Recently in The Blonde of the Joke Category

So I've never been pregnant, but most people agree that by the time the nine months are up, a person is ready to be done with it so that she can actually have that baby in her possession as opposed to just carrying it around without any idea of what it looks like or anything.  Yes, having a real live baby is at least as much of a pain in the ass as pregnancy, but it's still apparently worth it.

In this way, when a person has a book about to come out any minute, he (me) sort of just wants it to happen.  So he (me) can have the book and show it to people and have them read it, and basically just move on to something else.  One big bonus is that unlike a baby, a book does not cry or poop or seek sustenance from a person's breasts.  Sometimes there are bad reviews and occasionally annoyingly critical e-mails, but that's not really the same.

I know that most people reading this are probably not eager for a baby right now or even possibly ever, but let's just say that you were.  Close your eyes and imagine what it would be like if you had been pregnant for eight months or so and some doctor told you that gestation period in humans had been revised to eighteen months.  Oops.  No baby yet!  You'll just have to stay pregs awhile longer.

You would probably be a little bummed out. 

And I'm kind of bummed to announce that while The Blonde of the Joke is still definitely on the way, it's going to take a little longer than I expected.  Like, a whole year longer actually.  It was supposed to hit the stores was September 2, as in about a month from now.  That is no longer the case.  The new date is being hammered down, but word is that you can look for it in Fall '09.  It sucks, but this is how things work sometimes.  Why?  I'm told it has to do with astrology.  (I have a really unusual chart.)

That's the bad news.  The good news is that I'm currently hard at work on the NEXT book-- working title APOCALYPSE BLONDE.  That one will be out, uh, sometime after the first one. 

Finally, I know have sworn never to mention Carly Simon again on this blog, but given the circumstances, I really can't resist seeking leaving you with THIS:

P.S. To those people who have reviewed The Blonde of the Joke on their blogs, thank you so much for the reviews but I suggest saving them for next year, when the book will actually be imminent.

...comes out September 2.  You can pre-order it here.

 

A blonde and a brunette walk into a bar. No, wait.

A blonde and a brunette show up at the Pearly Gates, and Saint Peter—no, not that one, either.

Okay, so a blonde and a brunette go to the mall, and . . . oh, forget it.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned lately, it’s that jokes are not funny. At least, they’re never funny in the way they’re meant to be. I once knew a girl who thought all jokes were funny, but it turned out she was laughing at the wrong parts. Sometimes, now, I wonder what it must be like to look at the world that way. To be able to ignore one punchline and see a different one where it never even existed. I mean, I guess it must be useful. I guess it must be beautiful.

Okay, here we go. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Ima. Ima who?

Ima gonna tell you a joke. Get ready to laugh; this one’s a good one. Kind of long, but funny. Of course, by funny I mean that it’s fucking tragic in the end. Bear with me. It’s the first day of school, and a blonde walks into a classroom. . . .