Clouds In My Coffee
Does anyone know how to get on Judge Judy? I've always wanted to go on Judge Judy-- I think she would really like me, don't you??-- and now I have an excuse. Yesterday some man in a cafe knocked my coffee all over my laptop and destroyed the entire thing. The laptop, my entire manuscript (what there is of it), and my extensive collection of... exotic photos. Just kidding! I mean my extensive collection of MP3s. All of it is gone.
No, this did not prompt this person to get off of his cell phone. He did say sorry, which was nice. But I wanted him to be more specific with his apology. What exactly was he sorry for? For ruining my pants? For drenching a perfectly good spiral notebook? How about for destroying my entire life? I wonder if he felt bad about that.
Signs point to NO. No only did he not offer to buy me a new laptop, he didn't even offer to buy me another cup of coffee. (Although maybe a stiff drink would have made me feel better anyway.) He did give me a crumpled tissue out of his pocket (to wipe off the computer, I guess) before quickly hurrying outside to finish his call. Well. A whole tissue! Well thank you so much!
What would Judge Judy say about this? On one hand, I think she would probably hate this man for yapping on his cell phone while stomping around a crowded cafe with no regard for where he was swinging his ass. On the other hand, Judge Judy is an unpredictable lady and I feel like maybe she might have harsh words for me re: keeping my coffee so close to my laptop. Also for the fact that I never back anything up, as a policy. Judge Judy would not like that at all. She's always demanding RECEIPTS. And I have no receipts for anything.
This sort of thing happens to me all the time, although not usually on this scale. It's why I like to keep Elizabeth Bishop's ONE ART handy at all times. It cheers me up:
The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster...Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.
I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.
I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.
---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
Oh wait. That poem's not cheerful at all! Well, I shan't lie. My laptop is gone. MY LIFE IS OVER.
A) that SUCKS. B)I think about that poem every day. It's hard to resist the temptation to post it on a blog every day. Of all the times you or I have done so, I think this is my favorite.
reading this made me throw up in my mouth. SAWKS.
ugh. Open your laptop and put it face down on a towel. After it dries out, maybe your manuscript will return. I have no solutions for the lost cup of coffee, sadly.
Take it to a data recovery place before abandoning hope. Just know that they might be privy to your exotic "MP3s."
perhaps try the uncooked rice method? after removing the battery, submerge the laptop in a (big) pot of uncooked rice and leave overnight. worked for smaller electronics (my poor cellphone) http://reviews.cnet.com/4520-3504_7-6767391-1.html
Laura, that is the most VEGAN solution I ever heard! For all those interested, it is at TekServe right now getting the "Spill Clean" treatment. So we shall see...
I'll be pissed if their spill clean treatment is jut putting it in a big pot of uncooked rice, though.
What about vigilante justice? Hang around the coffee shop wearing a mask, and when the guy comes back (as he's sure to) put his cell phone in a blender.
I taught that poem to freshmen last semester, which might have been a mistake because I took any criticism of it personally, as in "what the hell do you mean, why does she say 'write it!'? Get out of my classroom!!"
bennett, i think you might have to stop blogging again. as if in some retardo horror film, your postings appear to be foreshadowing the happening of bad things in my life: First with the computer liquidation, then the unfortunately relevant poem. Wah! Please don't blog about death or, like, obesity any time soon.
Yaaaaay
you have restarted a blog. I love that in times of adversity you fall back on Elizabeth Bishop but are completely comfortable discussing Anna Nicole Smith, Tyra, or your NJ shopping mall experiences. Makes me swoon quite a bit. Welcome back! I look forward to more posts
Judge Judy would totally be on your side. I can hear her saying to the defendant, "Who's responsible? Is it Mr Madison's fault? Do you think he poured the cup of coffee over his own laptop? Ridiculous! Ridiculous, sir! In a coffee shop, you expect there to be tables with cups of coffee on them. The only reason this particular cup was upturned was on account of your actions. You have to watch where you're going. You're responsible for your actions, sir. Pay up!"
Of course, she would say all of that AFTER she had asked him "How old are you?"
By the way, do you have a receipt for your laptop?